My Asian Adventure is Over

Yesterday evening, I arrived in Charleston. I have been wanting this day and it has felt so far away to me all year long. Yet it came. And when I touched down in Charleston, it was hard to believe that it had been a year since I was there leaving for Japan. Amazing how time flies, yet feels so slow at the same time!

Saying my goodbyes in Japan was really emotional for me. From my students to my co-workers and friends. It was really hard. Because, chances are, I may never see any of them again. I could see some of them in the future, but the reality of the situation is it may be goodbye forever. And these people made my life in Japan. They made it mean something. They made it special. Work certainly didn't, but the people did.

I'm glad I went to Japan for many reasons, but I'm grateful most for what that experience has done to shape me into a better version of myself. I will never stop growing and changing, but within a year's time, I think I've changed quite a bit and all, for the better. Japan did that. I mean, I did that, but the experience allowed me to become better. It allowed me to trust people again and to let them in. It allowed me to put myself and my needs first, something I've never done before. It allowed me to care about others. And, most importantly, it allowed me to see what an amazing person I truly am. I am a hardworker, I am kind, I am bright, I am stronger than I thought, and I do like adventures. I still like to play it safe, but I am open to a more adventurous life than what I was leading prior to departing for Japan.

A year later, I am still me. I just recognize, for the first time, how great that is -- to be me. Thank you Japan! Sayonara!!!

The Lamest Holiday

Ok, I guess you could say I`m bitter, or whatever. Valentine`s Day is lame. I don`t have as strong feelings of hatred for February 14th as I have had in the past, but I`m finding it pretty annoying this year too. Yes...I`m unattached. And yes, I think I`d prefer not to be. (But, in the same breath, I like to do my own thing and not answer to anyone. I don`t know what I want. Ahhh!) But, I`ve been away from all the people in my life who I care about and who care about me for 11 months now. Wow. That`s a long time. I don`t think this day will be nearly as tough for me as Thanksgiving was, but it`ll be tough no doubt. (Probably because my internet is out at my place and I have to go to the internet cafe and pay to use the internet. But probably also because I miss my people too. I don`t know.)

But, my time in Japan is winding down. It`s amazing how it can go so slow and so fast at the same time. My countdown is continuing...25 days left of work, 35 days left of my contract, and 37 until I`m back in the States. So many things I still want to do before I leave. I need to put them in writing, so I can see it with my own eyes, and so it gets out of my head...

I want to lose another 7 pounds, so I can total a 50 pound loss by the time I leave Japan.
I would like to go to Tokyo one more time.
Attempt a hot spring/onsen/public bath house. (aka my living nightmare)
Go skiing for the first time.
Visit my town`s sad little zoo one more time.
Continue my runs so I can prepare for my 10K race the first weekend I`m back in the States.
Write letters to all the people who have made this year the best it could be for me.

Well, maybe the list isn`t that long, but considering I only really have 2 more `free` weekends left not including this one, it`s tough. I`m gong to try the bath house tomorrow, Tokyo next weekend, skiing the next one, then it`s cleaning the apartment the following weekend, move out of my apartment and into the hotel the next one (and maybe the zoo), then back to America the last one. Whew! That`s so not enough time! But I`m ok with that because I`m so happy to get back and see my people! And tell them how much I missed them. Not to mention how much I love them.

I hope everyone is having a great lame holiday today!

February 1, 2010

Wow. It's February! I can't believe it!!! Despite some physical pain, today was a great day to start off a new month. I was taken out to lunch at a bread buffet (and I enjoyed every last calorie...), was given a belated birthday present, ran a very important errand, did some laundry, watched two movies, and had a nice dinner. All in all, it was good. To top it off, it has now started to snow. It won't stick, but it's snowing for crying out loud!

I can't say that the month of January wasn't all that eventful, but nothing truly extraordinary happened. Nothing to really write about in my blog I suppose. I did decide to do the Cooper River Bridge Run the first weekend I'm back in Charleston. I've been training for that the best that I can with my schedule. I'm not getting the mileage I need, but I will be as prepared as I can be come March 27th!

I've been communicating pretty regularly with the girl who will replace me. Although this experience hasn't been all that it could've been for me, I want to make sure it is the best for her. I hope she enjoys it as much as possible. I'm doing everything in my power to make that happen.

And Saturday was Johnny's last day at work. What a sad day. Of the many times I contemplated returning home early, it was Andrew and Johnny that made me stay. I knew I was learning so much about myself and life just from being around them that it made me want to continue this once in a lifetime opportunity. Knowing I won't be finishing it with one of them makes it especially sad. But, Johnny's year was up. It's time for him to move on, just as I will soon enough.

As I sit here on February 1st, I have 48 days left of my contract, 35 days left of work, and 50 days until I touch American soil once again! And yes. I am counting down. There is much to take care of before I go, but I'm trying not to overwhelm myself, by doing a little bit each weekend. The weekdays are nearly impossible to do more than eat, sleep, work, and workout. But, it's working so far. I have a few things I'm planning on doing before I go. Nothing too huge, but enough to have stuff to look forward to before I really start looking forward to getting back home!

Although I haven't been in love with this entire experience, I'm really proud to say that I will finish this year. No experience or future endeavor will ever compare to what I've had to experience or endure in this past year. Nothing. So, on that note, I'm trying to embrace what I can and keep my eye on the prize. Only 48 days to go! Yippee!!!

Ridunculous Should Be In The Dictionary.

I feel compelled to write to Webster and let him know that ridunculous should be added to the dictionary because it's the only word to describe my vacation. It all started with a package. A simple package. With some love, sent to me by my momma. It had some pjs (uber cute purple ones!) and some goodies so I can have a "thanksgiving" meal here. If you know me at all, you know I don't eat pork. I have my reasons, but it's irrelevant. I don't eat it. At all. Have zero desire to do so. Knowing this, my family would never send me any. Well, my package got stopped at customs and searched, which is normal procedure. Well, they held my package because they said my mom sent me pork. WTF?! Wouldn't happen. Didn't happen. (Their reasoning is even more ridunculous...swine flu...really???) The school was going to be closed after December 26th for the Shogatsu vacation. Crystal was on the phone with the customs people in America trying to get this cleared up so I could get my package before the school closed since it's Japan's fault that I didn't get it on time. It didn't make it. This is how my ridunculous break started. Yay.

Luckily, the package ended up coming the following week and I was in Hitachi. I got the phone call from the FedEx guy saying, in broken English, that he'd wait for me to get to the school. I've never ridden a bike so fast in my life. I got my goodies! It was the best day!

I got my purple pjs in my box and had to take a picture for Crystal to see! Since it's a Christmas tradition for us to get new jammies on Christmas Eve, this was the best I could do!

Well, after a few days of relaxation in Hitachi, I started on my journey to Osaka. Now this part of the story needs a preface. I've been planning this essencially since the end of March 2009. The people in my training group were talking about going in June, but it was hot, I thought it'd be a much better idea to go in winter. So, that's when I'd started planning this. Well, at the beginning of November things got real and I realized that I needed to book the hostel and train tickets so I could actually go. Booked the hostel for Linda and I and went to the train station and got my unreserved train tickets all by myself. I was feeling pretty good about it all at this point. So, I'd been trying to make plans to meet up with Linda on December 30th like we had planned, but her schedule is crazy like mine, so when I hadn't heard much, I totally understood. Work is definitely overwhelming and this break was well earned...no doubt!

Finally, the afternoon of the 29th, I got a short message from Linda saying she would meet me at the train station in Osaka, but asked what time. My tickets were unreserved, so I could go whenever. I told her that in the message, but didn't hear anything after that. So, I just decided that evening to leave at 10am and get there by 2:30pm. And I did. I wasn't rushed in the morning because I was so pumped about this trip, I started packing a few days beforehand. But, when I got on the Shinkansen, there weren't any seats left, so I had to stand. For 2.5 hours. But, I knew that might be a possibility. So, I meet up with Linda at the aforementioned time. She informs me that she decided to come in a day earlier and would leave a few days before me. I was shocked and confused because we had been planning this for a while. Well, she then informs me that she stayed at a hotel/hostel, not the one I had booked, and would like to stay there the duration of her trip. I went along with it because I was still shocked and confused and because it sounded like a good deal. You got your own room and bathroom for the same price as the hostel I had booked. Plus, I didn't put down a deposit, so I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal. Linda informed me that this place was nice, but wasn't in a good neighborhood. Now, I've stayed in my fair share of bad neighboorhoods in my lifetime, but not in Japan. This was the ghetto of Japan, no doubt. And I know the ghetto. My high school was located in the middle of the ghetto and you could see drug deals going on from the gym. My neighbor at my first apartment was a drug dealer. Yeah, I know what it's like. But this is Japan, so even the worst neighborhood isn't anything compared what I've experienced in the past. But, this was a seedy neighborhood nonetheless.

When we arrive at the hostel, they inform me that it's going to cost twice as much as what Linda had told me. So, still in shock, I'm like, ok, what are we going to do? I can't afford that. The people behind the counter are trying to figure some stuff out and I'm asking Linda what the deal is. Because she seems hesitant about having this vacation that I had spent so much time thinking about and getting excited about. The people say they have a single room for me. Still more expensive than what Linda is paying, but I agree for one night so I have time to process what's going on. Confusion and shock are at play. Well, the more Linda and I talk, the more it sounds like she really wants to be on this vacation by herself. Which, honestly, would be fine by me because I've traveled alone a good bit, if that's what she wants. But she says she got her alone time already so she has no problem sticking with what we had planned. But it was done in a way that I told her, that's all good, but if she was going to up and change, it would've been nice to get a phone call or message. She agrees. But she makes it clear that our New Year's Eve plan (that we had already ironed out), she doesn't want to leave the club before 5am. I thought we had already planned that, but apparently she wanted to reiterate it. And I reiterated back that it was one night and I was down for it. All is well at this point.

We decide to go out to a cool restaurant I had found in my travel book called Cafe Absinthe. It sounded really neat, but it was tough to find. Luckily, we ended up finding it and having Mediterranian food for the first time in over 9 months. Delicious. And reasonably priced. We ended up talking the night away and ended the night talking with some Japanese fellas from the next table. Fun night, but come 4am, I was pooped! I suggested that we take a trip to Nara the next morning, so we plan on that before sleeping.

The next morning we get up as planned and head toward Nara. There is the biggest and oldest wooden building in the world that houses this huge Buddha. Of course, it is freezing and I'm a little hungover from the night before. But feeding the reindeer (that's right, reindeer) around the temple made me feel a bit better.

After that's all said and done, we found another mediterranian restaurant (what are the odds?!) near the station. Deliciousness! I'm exhausted from the night before and say I need a nap before our night of partying. Linda wants to go to the nicer part of town to pick up some things to get ready for the night. So we part ways on the train and decide to meet at the hostel. When I get back to the hostel I request another night's stay since I had only said I'd stay one night. They inform me that it's the last single room. Which means that Linda won't have a room. So, I try to call her a few times to see if we want to get a double room for one night so we don't have to change hostels. I finally get a hold of her and she says that's fine. But then tells me that the ATMs won't give her money because it's the holiday time and they are shut down. She doesn't even have enough money to get a train ticket back to the hostel. I tell her I have money and we can figure it out once she gets back. Luckily, she finds a dollar in her purse and explains to an American family that she needs to get the train back and exchanges her dollar for yen. She finds her way back and we begin to discuss our plans.

The New Year's Eve celebration that we had planned was going to have to be cancelled because we didn't know how long the ATMs would be shut down and all we had between the two of us was what was in my wallet. For the hostel, food, travel, entertainment, everything. I was disappointed about not being able to go out to the club, but was so exhausted from the night before and since I didn't get my nap, I was ok with not going. I'm not going to lie. I was annoyed. We were all informed of the banking situation in Japan when we arrived. That's why I took all the money I needed for my vacation out before I left. But, we ended up salvaging the evening by finding some good sushi and calling it a night. It was so cold, I ended up being grateful for the situation because the wind was icy and unbearable. I just wanted to get into my new jammies and get to sleep. We got back to the hostel no problem and said good night. My momma called me at midnight to wish me a Happy New Year and Happy Birthday! (My birthday is on January 1st) It was great to hear her voice and to talk to someone who loves me.

I then head off for bed in preparation for my birthday day! When I wake up in the morning, I know I have to be out of the room by 10am so that I can check out and check back into a different, double room with Linda. I'm trying so hard to get ready because I just couldn't get up and then who calls? My best friend! Another wonderful treat! We couldn't talk long, but it was just so nice to hear her voice. On my birthday. :o) So after all is said and done, we move our things to the double room and are off to find an ATM and some food. Both attempts are nearly impossible. ATMs are still down (so our budget is getting more and more limiting) and the only thing we could find to eat was a Starbucks super far away. My only request for the day was to make it to the Osaka Aquarium. Linda suggested that we also go to the big glass building that is connected by a glass escalator too. I said, let's do that first then head to the aquarium. We are trying to figure out how to get there and stop in a hotel for directions. A man that works there nearly walks us all the way there! Some people in Japan are just too kind! We make our way around the building and are getting ready to head out and we run into a guy from our training group that we haven't heard from since. Unreal! We end up chatting and he comes along for the rest of the day. We go to the aquarium which was pretty cool. But again, the winds are so icy, it's hard to enjoy any of it. We are starving and although we had discussed going to an Iranian restaurant for my birthday, we end up at an izakaya.

I knew my dad was going to call me around 7:30pm my time (5:30am his time) so I had my phone ready to go. But once we got into the izakaya, I totally forgot. I missed his call 3 times. The last one, 4 minutes prior. Again, luckily, I had recently bought a phone card, so I called him back. My brother ended up calling me on my birthday too, so it was nice to talk to everyone, even though it was only for a little bit. We part ways with the guy from training and I pick up some strawberry ice cream to end my day. Things were a little bit off from how I wanted to spend the day, but it was a nice day all in all.

January 2nd was the day that Linda had decided she was going to leave Osaka, so I needed to change hostel rooms again. We get ready for the day and head out. We don't have much of a plan for the day except to find an ATM and to go shopping (think, Japan's Black Friday). We find an ATM that accepts Linda's request and she pays me back and then some, I think. She is incredibly relieved. I'm not because I knew she was good for it, but I was in a way because if she didn't pay me back before she left, I would've had to cut my trip short and miss out on Kyoto. But, it worked out, so we were both grateful. We wanted to go shopping, so we ventured out. Not a great idea. So many people. It was out of control. So we sit down to have a small meal and look at some small shops before meeting up with the guy from training again. We meet up with him after sitting down to a few drinks and try to go back to Cafe Absinthe. He, like us, hasn't had mediterranian food since arriving in Japan, and like me, it's his "people's" food. We are so excited to take him there. We get there. They are closed until January 6th. After we all leave Osaka. Of course. But, then we get to go to the Iranian restaurant that we didn't get to go to the night before. It was good and I think the other two enjoyed it. I know I did. It's my soul food. What I grew up on. Yummy! I ate way too much!!!

Linda needed to catch her bus, so we finished our meal, paid our bill and parted ways. Shortly thereafter, I get a phone call. Linda missed her bus, so I checked with the hostel and they said they had room for her to stay another night. I know she was frustrated. But I also knew there wasn't much I could say to change that. And I didn't want to try. It's really bothersome when you are frustrated and someone who isn't in your shoes is trying to comfort you and it isn't working. We say goodbye one last time, and I get a good night's rest so I can go to Kyoto in the morning.

I wake up without the alarm which is surprising and get ready for the day. I asked the front desk staff the best way to get to Kyoto, and like a dummy, I listened. I had already mapped it out, but I wanted to double check. So I ended up walking around the ghetto (in the freezing cold) to find the train station when the subway was right there. I decided to go back to the subway and do it my way. When I get to the subway station, I ran into another foreigner and we strike up a conversation for a good half hour. In the cold. But it was nice. Then we part ways too. And I'm off to find Kyoto. I arrive at the train station and buy a ticket. There are local, s. rapid, and rapid trains. I don't have that many options in little Hitachi, so I thought it would cost me a bundle to take the rapid train that the train conductor kept trying to get me onto. So, I got on the local train. Once the doors closed, I thought, "I'm on vacation and deserve to take the fast train." So, I look in my phrase book and ask the lady next to me how long it takes to get to Kyoto. She gives me this ridunculously long answer and I still have no idea what she is saying. The lady on the other side says, "change train." So, reluctant and all, I get off the train at the next station and change to a rapid train. And I get to Kyoto in under a half hour. Oh, and it's the same price as the local train.

My first plan of attack was to get to the English speaking information center for a map and advice. It takes me nearly another half hour to find the office only to find a sign saying they are closed for the New Year holiday. So I try to take the elevator from the 9th floor back downstairs, only it won't stop on my floor. So, I walk all over this massive building to find the Japanese visitor center. I ask for a map and go to town. I'm so frustrated, but locate a Starbucks and sit down with my map to figure out what to do. It looks like rain, but I decided to see the most things, I needed to walk -- not ride the bus. Saw a few temples and ended up back on the main street. I saw another temple with some kids out front, so I headed down the side street and see there is no sign in English to say what temple it is. I bust open my map and this wonderful couple see me and ask me if I need help. I said ok. They ask me where I'm going. I have no plans, so I point to something on the map and they said that's where they were going. So they invited me to go with them. It was so much fun hanging out with them. We went to a shrine, then they took me to the geisha street, but we didn't see one. They said if we did, it would be a miracle. The miracle didn't come, but the rain did. So we took the bus back to the train station and then back to Osaka station.

We separated ways and I met up with the guy from training one last time for dinner. I was so busy that I forgot to eat all day. I was STARVING! I wanted sushi, but it was really difficult to find. (I know...crazy, but true!) It was still so busy with shoppers and finding a restaurant without a 2 hour wait was next to impossible. But, then we found a restaurant off the beaten path and it was great! We parted ways for the last time and I headed back to the ghetto.

I got back to the hostel and wanted to check the train times to make a plan for the morning. There is one computer available, but the screen is reading upsidedown. Of course it is. But I use it anyways. I'm a planner and I needed to have an idea for the next day. I go to bed and get up the next morning. (This morning.) No problems. I check out earlier than planned and head to the train station to catch an earlier train. My thinking was to take a train (not the next one) so I can be first in line so I can sit this time. No chance. I have no idea where all the people on the train came from, but it was full. Again. So I had to stand for 2.5 hours. Again. And to top it off, some jerk locked himself in the Western style toilet the entire way (so he could sit, I'm sure). I can barely use a Japanese toilet on flat ground in an emergency situation, so certainly not going to try on the Shinkansen! I get off and go to find a little food. I'm starving. Again. I find some crackers and cheese and a Diet Dr. Pepper. (That's 4 saltines, some cheese and the best Diet Dr. Pepper I've ever had in my life...) I get in line for the train because I refuse to stand for the next hour and a half. I get a spot on the train and, like many times before, people refused to sit next to me. They would rather stand. Fine by me. I flipped through a magazine and enjoyed my snack.

I get home and open the door. Something smelled funny. I forgot to throw out some chicken breasts that I thought I had before I left. That's about right. I would expect nothing less. This story is my argument for adding ridunculous to the dictionary. No other word will do. Sorry Webster, but it's true.

Let the Countdown Begin!

As if I haven't been counting down already, the real countdown begins NOW! After 266 days, I now only have 99 days until my contract is up! I can't believe I've been at this for 266 days. Some days it seems like I just got here...while others, it seems like I've been here for years. Either way, the reality of the situation is that in less than one hundred days, it's back to the "real world" for me.

This is exhilirating and nerve-wracking at the same exact time. I can't wait until I can see people whom I love so dearly, yet I'm terrified (in a good way, for the most part) by the next step in this journey I like to call my life. I don't want to always be rushing through my life to get to the next step, but just like when I was in the last semester of college, I could feel the end coming, and I was ready to move on. Same here. I've experienced and learned a lot here and I'm glad I stuck it out, but I'm ready to jump into my life with both feet. My real life. The one this journey all the way on the other side of the world was preparing me for. I needed to get some things in order, and I feel like although they aren't all the way in order, they are on the right track. I have the tools, the knowledge that I can accomplish anything I want to, and the will to make it happen. All I have to do now is wait 99 more days! Yippee!!!

What's your biggest regret?

This afternoon Andrew was running questions by me that he was planning on asking his students today in class. Usually these are just ways to start English conversations, but our students can be rather sophisticated, so they can't always be as simple as "what's your favorite color?" Today he ran the question "what's your biggest regret?" by me, then immediately asked me that question. Without hesitation, my response was "hating myself for so many years." His response was, "wow, that's a big one." And it is.

For so long I've hated myself because of things that have happened to me. I've tried to mask that pain with food, promiscuity, and self-hatred. It doesn't work. It just makes you feel worse than you did to start with. When I realized what the promiscuity was doing to me (without realizing the damage the other two were doing, which were probably worse in hindsight) I stopped. I gave that part of my life up. There was a void there. I was sure to fill it with more food and even more self-hatred.

Recognizing the issue was the most important thing. Before I left for Japan, I started to face a lot of these issues and cried numerous tears. I still didn't love myself, but I knew that I should...as weird as it sounded to me. Although this adventure wasn't all that I was hoping it would be, it has been an eye-opener for me. It has made me see things in myself I didn't see before. I have come to a point where I don't hate myself anymore. I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't ever feed my emotions with food (hell, I had one of those moments a week or so ago), but it isn't a daily thing any more. It isn't something that is the norm.

This is huge. But what's bigger than that is that I love myself. I really do. I sound like a crazy person, but I do. I realize that I deserve so much better from myself and the people in my life than what I was getting. I've removed people from my life because they were clearly not on my side. I've learned skills that will help me in the long run such as learning to cook and reprioritize my life. This will not be something that will take care of itself and I know that. It's something I will have to work at forever, no doubt. It's too easy to fall back into that 15 year habit of self-hatred. But I want more. I want better. And that's why I resist it when I can. I'm taking care of myself. Better than ever before. I still want to do better than that, but that's why I'm on this journey. I needed this trip. More than I needed the adventure of living abroad...I needed the experience of self-love.

November is Coming to an End

It's been nearly 2 months since my last post and tonight is probably not the best time for me to write in this blog, but with November coming to an end, I need to say something.

I haven't written for a while mostly because nothing exciting has really happened. I've been battling a sickness for about 3 months now. Nothing serious, but annoying nevertheless. I haven't been going places because I've felt like crapola. I've been working and resting. That's it. Wish I had more going on, but without the energy to do much of anything, I haven't been.

This past week was Thanksgiving and I was really surprised at how sad I was to miss this holiday at home. I've been thinking a lot this week about what I'm thankful for and considering how lousy I've felt with my immune system out-of-whack and other things, I need to think about all the things I'm grateful for. I will do what I can in this blog post by listing the things I'm most thankful for because December will be here in a moment and although the holiday has passed, I am thankful for many things.

I'm thankful for...

• the fact that I am able to experience this experience with two great men who have changed my life for the better.
• my friends and family who have supported me this entire adventure and before, and will continue to support me in all that I do in the future.
• my paycheck that allows me to live a rather comfortable lifestyle, while saving a little for my future and return to the States.
• the 111 days remaining until I can go home.
• my health because even though I've been ill for the better part of the past 3 months, I am not going through major health issues.
• my country that gives me freedom that women in other countries will never experience.
• the love I'm learning to give and receive.

Although the list isn't exhaustive, it is a good list that gives a pretty good representation of the things in my life that I'm thankful for.

December will be a new start. Yes, it's the last month of the year. Yes, it's the mark of the end of a decade. But that month will be mine. I will make the most of it. I will get healthy and get back into my routine of self-care, starting with exercising and eating healthy and postive self-talk. I will use December as my launch pad for my 26th year of life. I will live it up the best ways I can. I won't let nonsense get me down. I won't let the external pressures of life determine my happiness. I won't allow myself to get in the way of me. This journey isn't over until it's over and although I've had a pretty good setback with being sick, I didn't stop that journey. It was just a roadblock. I didn't stumble. I didn't stop. I paused. My body is telling me something that I already know. I need to take care of me and not let myself internalize things to the point of sickness. December is all about that. December is all about me and continuing this journey.

Thank you.